Frequently asked questions

How could everything possibly be Tracy McGrady's fault?

Therozing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Tracy McGrady stepped into the Quantam Leap accelerator and vanished... He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to change history for the worse. And so, Tracy McGrady finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put wrong what once went right, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

No, seriously, how is that possible?

We are uncertain. The question of "how" brings up severl paradoxes. Most notably, the fact that he would need to be in many places at once to do harm worldwide. However, this could be explained by the McGrady Origin Theory, which postulates that in the beginning, Tracy was a singularity comprised of infinite density but occupying zero volume. He then caused a massive explosion that scattered all matter in the universe across space, forming the stars and planets, and setting all of history into motion. He would therefore be directly responsible for all the bad things that happen to us, without needing to be actively involved. Some skeptics have argued that this would also make Tracy responsible for all the good things in life, but those guys are obviously morons and are the laughing stock of the scientific community.

The second prevailing theory is that we are all living in an artificial construct known as "the Matrix", and that Tracy McGrady is nothing more than an anomalous subroutine designed to bring balance to a society that rejected perfection. Because the Matrix must be imperfect, a remainder of the flawed equation (known as "the One") exists to bring destruction and misery to the populace. Fortunately, this is compensated for by another entity who blesses us with goodwill and happiness. As I'm sure you have guessed by now, that man is William Shatner.

Why does Tracy McGrady want us to be unhappy? Does he hate us?

No. Although we are unsure of the precise manner in which he operates, we do know that he doesn't mean to harm us. Of that much we are certain. Think about it. Nobody doubts that Tracy McGrady is a nice man. He means well. Whatever it is he's doing to ruin our lives, he probably can't help it. We should not hate Tracy McGrady for what he has done; we should pity him. Try to imagine what it would be like if you were the cause of all the world's grief. What an enormous weight on one's conscience that would be! To have all of humanity's sorrows resting upon your shoulders must be a terrible burden. No wonder he gets injured every season.

He must be stopped! What can we do?

Nothing. Tracy McGrady is a fact of life. We can not stop him anymore than we can stop planet Earth from spinning on its axis. The sooner we all learn to accept this fact, the better off we will be.